I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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