Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
