I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
