so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
