Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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