I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
