dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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