i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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