first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
