at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
