YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
