I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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