tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
