too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
