I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
