Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
