Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
