For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
