i will never coherently bang her
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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