dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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