Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
