dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
