I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
