Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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