We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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