Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
