I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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