I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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