how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
