I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
