We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
