Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
