Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize