the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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