if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
