Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Even my vagina gasped.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
