dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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