Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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