Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
