im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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