Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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