I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
sarcasm needs its own font
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
