Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
