Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
