You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
