I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
