we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
