i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just invented taco cereal.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
