Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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