You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
