I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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