ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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