Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
