all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
